WANTED: Portraits of Ladies in Complete and Unwavering Prudity

UPDATE:

A Most Outrageous Seizure: A Statement to the Public

Citizens of Decency,

It is with a heavy heart that I must inform you of a most vile and unconscionable act: the authorities, in a fit of misguided prudery or bureaucratic madness, have confiscated the greater part of my cherished collection of virtuous portraits. Yes, the very images that stood as solemn testaments to modesty, restraint, and the finer ideals of womanhood have been seized, plucked from their rightful place, as if they were objects of scandal rather than icons of dignity.

Gone are the portraits of ladies clad in respectable layers, their expressions etched with noble disapproval. Gone are the tributes to restraint, propriety, and the quiet heroism of moral endurance. What remains is but a tattered husk of a collection, a mournful shadow of its former glory.

I ask you, what crime has been committed? Was it the too-starched collar? The rigid composure? The abundance of fabric arranged with deliberate modesty? Is this what now constitutes indecency? Has the world turned so thoroughly on its head that virtue must now hide, while vulgarity struts brazen in the light of day?

The removal of these portraits is not merely an affront to me, the humble Custodian, but a grim portent to all who hold dear the values of restraint and refinement. If even these most chaste of images are no longer safe, what hope is there for modesty? Where shall propriety make her stand?

I tell you now, this is not merely censorship. It is cultural vandalism. It is the smothering of a quiet, dignified tradition under the suffocating pillow of arbitrary regulation.

Let it be said, though perhaps to no great effect, that a sorrowful quiet now fills the halls where once the stern gazes of virtue held their silent vigil. The walls, stripped bare, echo with the absence of purpose. I find myself unable to rouse the old conviction, for what good is the keeping of decency when even its greatest expression is treated as suspect? I do not know what remains to be done.

Wearily,
The Custodian of Moral Excellence

To the Good Gentlefolk and Friends of Refined Society,

In pursuit of a unique and noble collection dedicated to the preservation of the finest virtues, a humble appeal is hereby made for the likenesses of most reputable ladies—those of stalwart character and invincible modesty—captured in all their dignified glory. We seek portraits which reveal not one inch of impropriety, featuring gentlewomen garbed in layers upon layers of respectable attire, from topmost feathered hat to lowermost buttoned boot, arrayed with the utmost gravity and bearing expressions of a most stern disapproval.

These likenesses shall celebrate the hallowed virtues of restraint and propriety, and thus we implore you to direct us to those paragons of decency whose example shines like a beacon in these uncertain times. Let no collar be unbuttoned, no lace unbecoming, nor any expression less than resolutely prudish.

Be it known, however, that this opportunity does not come with recompense, for virtue, after all, is its own reward.

Inquiries may be directed to the undersigned, who remains,
A Humble Seeker of Moral Excellence