Toothpicks and Faded Dreams: In Memory of a Loved one
"I know one day I'm gonna die, and... like none of this will have mattered 'cause y'know... Everything just eventually returns to stardust."
In memory of Jenny, who passed away in June/July 2024.
These words, written by my Queer Platonic partner, Earthnicity, for a song about the transient nature of life, have been resonating with me since I learned of her passing. She wasn’t just a family friend; she was like an aunt or a grandmother, a constant source of support and warmth. Her presence in our lives has left a lasting impact, one that I now feel compelled to honor through these words.
She and her husband were like pillars in our community. Every Sunday at church, they would greet us with genuine smiles and heartfelt inquiries about our lives, our projects, and especially my mom. They had an incredible way of making us feel seen and valued.
In 2023, when I exhibited my "What is Art/What is AI" project at the Autism art exhibition, iNDX, she attended with enthusiasm and curiosity. She embraced my work with open arms, engaging with it in a way that made me feel understood and appreciated. Her support was unwavering, a beacon of encouragement in a world that often felt overwhelming.
Her acceptance went beyond mere curiosity. As someone with Dissociative Identity Disorder, navigating both personal and professional spaces can be challenging. Yet, she always accepted me for who I am, embracing not just my art but my entire being. She saw the true nature of my work and my identity, never questioning my motives in the ongoing ethics debate surrounding AI generative art. Her acceptance and encouragement made me feel safe and validated in my artistic journey.
My project, "What Is Art," is not just a mere question; it serves as a guiding principle, often misunderstood. The online artistic community frequently resorts to phrases like "You can't do this" or "You can't do it that way." Similarly, "What is Design" - a lecturer once challenged us in 2006 by saying, "Design a banana bunch and explain it to me."
This project is deliberately controversial. It marks the beginning of a long-term mission to dismantle barriers, push boundaries, and establish inclusive spaces for creation, discussion, and existence. We aim to eliminate the toxic rhetoric that discourages many neurodivergent individuals from exploring and acquiring knowledge.
She understood this mission and supported it wholeheartedly. She never imposed limitations on how I should create; instead, she celebrated the innovative ways I used AI to express myself. In a world where AI art is often criticized and misunderstood, her unwavering support was a breath of fresh air. She recognized the joy and learning AI art brought into my life, and her encouragement helped me push forward despite the controversy.
As an autistic artist with Dissociative Identity Disorder, both Earthnicity and I have found a way to visually express our inner selves through AI art. From envisioning headspace locations to creating artistic representations of alters that we couldn't otherwise capture accurately, AI art has been immensely helpful. This journey, though controversial, has been one of personal growth and community building. Her support was a crucial part of this journey, making me feel seen and appreciated.
It's these moments of kindness and connection that make her loss so profound. She was someone who truly cared, who invested her time and energy into the people around her. Her passing reminds me of the fleeting nature of life, the way we all eventually return to stardust. Yet, within this transient existence, it's the love and support we give and receive that matter the most.
Her life was a testament to this. She showed me that even though we all face the inevitability of death, our actions and connections give our lives meaning. Her kindness, her support, and her genuine interest in my well-being are things I will carry with me forever.
As I write this, I can’t help but think about the countless ways she touched my life. She taught me that even in the face of our eventual return to stardust, we can shine brightly and make a difference in the lives of those around us.
Thank you, dear friend, for all the love and light you brought into our lives. Your memory will continue to inspire and guide us, reminding us of the importance of kindness, connection, and the enduring impact of a life well-lived.
And before anyone asks:
Yes this is relevant to AI, the image on the article is from the first Animated Nightmares model from Stable Diffusion 1.5 (Dusk's version). It was featured because it reminded us when we were prepping for the Exhibition in 2023- of the race "OSENAYANS" that reside in our headspace... It was also the image that she resonated most with. Also the name was removed as I didn't want to write something before any official obituaries were seen? (Not that I was putting her last name in, but just in case?)