Giving Up
It's been a hard decision, and one, granted that many will not understand.
But discouragement can get the best of all of us apparently.
It really is a matter of just not enjoying things anymore.
Seeing the numbers of engagement continue to drop.
Knowing that no matter how hard you try, no matter how much you labor over something, how much YOU love it, you cannot force others to recognize what you personally go through to achieve something. You cannot force others to appreciate what you have done, nor even if they do, you cannot force others to even simply acknowledge what you accomplished.
What it comes down to is a matter of interaction, and if you are able to capture the attention of others to help drive and foster that interaction.
And I am simply not able to do it.
I had started a story called “The Last Vow” here on CivitAi. I honestly poured my heart out in creating it, doing my best to create a story that was engaging. But no matter what I did, each chapter I would get less and less views. It was as if people were no longer even willing to look, to give it a chance. I know there are a few of you out there who were loyal, who kept reading it, and I thank you. You mean so much to me for doing that.
But I cannot keep releasing it in pieces, hoping that I am leaving interest at the end of each chapter to bring someone back the next week. Honestly, I suspect that the lack of support, or interaction, or even just someone looking at it is my fault. Maybe I should have been a better storyteller. Maybe I should have used a different artwork each week as a cover image. Maybe I should have never tried.
I just don’t know anymore, and frankly I am tired of second guessing myself. I made the decision to pull the previous chapters down and remove them from CivitAi.
Later today I will post the story in its entirety so that for those last few readers that I had, they can get some closure and see how the story ends.
But honestly, I just don’t think I have it in me anymore to keep doing much of anything on this site in the capacity I was. I have seen the same thing in my artwork. There are times where I will get a single solitary like on what I feel is some of my best artwork. Other times nothing. And when my artwork, the kind that I am talking about, is the kind where I give it my all, I do my upmost to have emotion in the artwork, to try to convey what maybe even others are feeling. For the last two plus months I have made the choice to make art for me. And while my art was not that popular before, it got less so. But I was trying to make art that I liked in the hopes that others would too. I no longer wanted to make art for others, and make art that they would like, in the hopes of getting some likes. So, I made that choice to make art for me.
Some of you are going to look at this, very cursorily, scan it, and not even read to the end. Others are going to message me like they have in the past and tell me to grow up, this is just AI stuff. “Who cares?” they will say.
Apparently just me.
Kind regards,
Render
*No this is not a cry for help, No I am not suicidal. This is strictly talking about my engagement with the site.
*Update: @CivitAi, you make life very difficult for us as creators, whether paid or free. Not sure why you feel the need to remove some of the things that made life easier for us, but it's not appreciated. What is up with removing the filters on Articles so that the users can then sort and see various types they are looking for such as an announcement, or a musing, or a story, etc. The way you keep seemingly making life hard for us, while adding features no one wants, and refusing features that we actually request, not cool. Very much not cool.